How to Forgive Someone Who Abused You ?
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Today we are going to discuss how to forgive someone who abused you. Forgiving people is a divine quality but practically it is difficult to forgive anyone. And when you have to forgive someone who abused you, it is more difficult for you.
To forgive someone who is responsible for hurting someone or abusing others’ life we have to be united. One can forgive such pain but everyone will not forgive those people. To remove the cause of social abuse or personal abuse, society has to become united and deal with it very carefully.
People who have become a victim of it, they lose all their enthusiasm for living life happily. They just act as a slave to human life. It’s a major problem in society of social or personal abuse.
To forgive someone who abused you we have to develop empathy and compassion in our hearts. We should have firm faith in ourselves that we will not do anything that will hurt others. One who has experienced the pain of suffering will not hurt people because it will not give relief to their pain.
So they always choose to forgive people who have hurt them. They know that to heal their pain, forgiveness is a must. Forgiveness is a long process; it will take time to completely forgive someone.
One can disconnect with people who abused you to relieve one’s wound. To do anything with your life you have the right; with respecting others’ freedom. So it’s your choice to forgive people or not. But an intelligent person will choose forgiveness over revenge if he wants more growth in their life.
This happens often in our society. All may have seen it in their surroundings, or maybe a victim of it. Our society contains many devil-minded persons who do not think of others. Their only purpose is to gain more and more achievements in life, without thinking of right and wrong.
Such people are always jealous of others. They always strive to hurt others, but this also doesn’t give them happiness. They may feel happy in doing so, but that’s not real happiness that’s the illusory energy to delude them.
They want to be the richest in their surroundings and if they can’t, they start criticizing others. There is nothing more important to them except their gains and profits. They can do anything for it. There is no value of others’ thoughts and feeling before their profit.
They can even hurt others for their self-centered profit. They even enjoy hurting others; they had lost the social values and the ethics to live in society. Such actions are just a part of their daily routine.
Criticizing, hurting people, and bullying others make them happy. Actually, these things never make one happy, but they do because of demoniac nature. They do not love to live peacefully. Their mind is totally disturbed.
Such people are a curse to our society because they are cold-hearted people, they do not respect anyone rather it be elders, young people, or children. Such people have nothing to do, they also earn their livelihood through illegal ways.
Abusers are creating more trouble for themselves and people. But by forgiving we reduce its impact in our life. Punishing such abusers to make them correct is not wrong but forgiveness is quite different from punishment. One can forgive and punish their abuser at the same time.
Should You Forgive When Somebody Abuses You? | Sahilsharmablogs | Sadhguru
One who punishes others doesn’t mean they do not love them, it means they want to reform them. And by forgiving them we awaken the feeling of love for them. Keep control on your anger to reduce troubles in your life.
Anger is not the solution to any hurt or grieve, it is even the cause to intensify them. Replace anger with forgiveness and hatred with love and it will make your life pleasant.
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Abusive power and control is the way that abusers gain and maintain power and control over a victim for an abusive purpose such as psychological, physical, sexual, or financial abuse. The abuse can be for various reasons such as personal gain, personal gratification, psychological projection, devaluation, envy, or just for the sake of it as the abuser may simply enjoy exercising power and control.[ Wikipedia ]
Why to forgive those people who are the cause of social abuse?
People abuse others in ignorance and sometimes deliberately to satisfy their false illusory ego. But think for a while, why they have become like that. Other people also live in this society so why is there a huge moral difference in their actions and thoughts.
Such people become like this only because of our own society. They might be a victim of abusive behavior in their life. So that their mind becomes cruel and they lost all moral values. Their childhood may have affected like that or there might any incident that had changed them completely.
But how could this happen to him/her? Where were the people of society when he was suffering, why don’t people have showed empathy to him. Why don’t they help him in their bad times? It’s the reality of our society.
I am not making negative opinions about society but only trying to show the reality. I am not saying it happens every time but the numbers are not like that we can ignore. There are many social cases of abuse in our society, that people are suffering in our society.
Sometimes we ignore such incidents when something wrong happening in front of us. Remember one thing, doing or tolerating cruel acts is wrong. One has to fight against the cruel in every condition. We have to make efforts to make the earth a more and more beautiful place to live in.
This can happen from a right thought. Look upon every trouble in a positive way so as to know its solution.
Keep a feeling of love and sympathy for people. Always be ready to help the needy. Because to make it a heaven contribution of every living entity is needed. To make our dreams come true we have to do hard work. There is no substitute for it.
One has to be consistent in its work to bring positive results. There might come failures in the path of success, think of them just as a part of success. When you overcome all troubles in life, then finally you will reach your destination. But to overcome all obstacles of the path, one has to keep himself positive throughout the process.
One should have to acquire the divine qualities of love, honesty, truthfulness, and forgiveness in life.
A study of college students by Goldsmith and Freyd report that many who have experienced emotional abuse do not characterize the mistreatment as abusive. Additionally, Goldsmith and Freyd show that these people also tend to exhibit higher than average rates of alexithymia (difficulty identifying and processing their own emotions).[Wikipedia]
What causes someone to be an abuser?
Our fight is against all the social exploitation in our society, but not with the people. Humans are not wrong. God has made us eternally pure, our thoughts and actions made us cruel and so one does social exploitation. Society plays a major role in making one’s character.
It’s the responsibility of us or the people of society that they should be very conscious about any social abuse. People have become selfish, they ignore because they think there is nothing loss happening to them, while others may be suffering.
It’s the devil’s thinking. It should be firstly rooted out. And if we have to live in society peacefully and happily, we have to contribute to the making of our society morally.
Everyone has some moral duties towards society and if all may perform their duties, society will become an ideal place for living happily. While living in society, all those who are a victim of social abuse are the important part of our society. And they are similar to other people.
The government has enacted several laws to bring justice to the victims of social or personal exploitation and it has yielded positive results. But unless all contribute their efforts to root out all the social abuses it might not happen.
People are so attentive towards their rights and freedom, but when it comes to contributing to society or when they are asked to perform their duty, they hold back. Forgive those people who cause social abuses to others because they had become like that because of our irresponsibility.
Again I am not trying to rescue them or not saying they are completely innocenct and they must not be punished. But I am saying to forgive and accept them. If somehow we are irresponsible for their bad conditions then we too can bring good changes in them.
Social abuse is something that is victimizing people and also happening due to the people of our surroundings. I have discussed in many of my articles that no one is perfect. There are some demoniac and divine qualities recommended by God. And one who chooses divine qualities always contributes something positive to society and the demoniac is discussed till now. What to say of them.
But both have to live in the same society. Not punishing such demoniac people is also not justified. But forgiveness is to heal oneself. It does not have to deal with others. Forgive those people who ill-treat you or abuse you; for not making them free to do more bad acts. But to make yourself strong to heal your pain.
And such people have to be dealt with carefully. We have to change the person’s moral values and again he will become the eternal human being. When all the materialistic illusory energy is removed from oneself he becomes the pure eternal self.
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It is unfair to do partiality with some people who are suffering in their life, it’s our own act indirectly. We have to accept them also. It becomes never too late for doing something good. Change your opinion towards such people and have love and compassion for them. Not make them feel they are an isolated part of our society.
Being a victim of abuse is really painful but holding onto that pain will make the pain stay longer. We hold the pain with our mind; we keep the hatred and grieve in our hearts for that person who abused us. And it’s a more pain-giving process.
And forgiveness is the way to release such resentments and anger from one’s heart. By forgiving, you release yourself from its shackles of grieve. Being self-dependent also helps to overcome the abusive behavior of others. Not allow negative people in your life. Keep a neutral opinion for all.
There is everything temporary. No reason to feel hostility and resentment. Make yourself stronger enough to deal with all such demoniac energies and overcome them with your stronger determination.
People change with time and so it’s necessary to give everyone a chance to improve their mistakes. We also do lots of mistakes and seek chances to improve ourselves. To learn the right way to do something, we come across many wrong ways, but that practice leads us to the right way, and in the end, we achieve our goal.
You should keep a distance from people who are indulged in lustful propensities. Lust is the perverted form of God’s love and one has to practice to elevate it to its real form rather than degrade its value. Degradation will add more trouble and pain to your life.
Can you forgive an abuser?
To answer this question is very complicated. But it’s true, we can forgive our abuser. We should do it by keeping a positive perception in our hearts. They had abused us because it is all they know about that. But we are not like them; we know what is right and wrong.
For a positive change in our life, we must forgive those abusers. The abusers may or not care to apologize for their mistakes. But by forgiving we release ourselves from their trap. We have to rescue ourselves from all negative energies because these energies will make us more ignorant towards this world.
To forgive someone it’s important to know your true goal in life. By knowing that you will realize that these troubles are just to deviate you from your goal and by forgiving people you will again be on the track to achieve your goal.
Keep in your heart that we all are the creations of God and so we all have to live with love and compassion. To bring the change in the external environment one has to start from the internal thoughts. Heal your internal wounds so that there dwell all positive thoughts.
Analysis of a large survey (n = 25,876) by LaRoche found that women abused by men were slightly more likely to seek psychological help than were men abused by women (63% vs. 62%).[ Wikipedia ]
How do you forgive someone who has abused you?
Self-improvement is necessary to forgive your abuser. When you think to forgive someone, your focus should be more on your wellbeing. You need to move on and be a part of a positive environment. Keep a feeling of empathy in your heart to deal softly with all traumas.
Keep control of your anger to prevent your relationship or connection with other people. There might come many temporary people in our life so we have to deal with all of them with care.
There is no need to be completely attached to those and also it’s not beneficial to completely detach from such people. Keep a general connection with them. Try to understand your internal strengths and more focus on your self-growth.
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Keep an attentive eye towards the surroundings to gain more and more knowledge. Whenever you face abusive people around you, be ready to ignore their attacks of negative energy on you. Wear armor of positivity to prevent yourself from all negativity.
To forgive someone it’s important to purify one’s heart because forgiveness is a divine quality, everyone can’t do it.
Why do people forgive their abuser?
Forgiving your abuser is necessary to overcome the effect of abuse. We should do it to heal our wounds and move further in life. To live your life happily we have to accept both the pleasures and misery. Happiness and distress both are necessary for life.
Both have their own importance and in deficiency of any one of them, the balance of life will be disturbed. So not keep hatred in your heart when it comes troublesome situations in your life. Have patience in your heart and seek solutions to the trouble.
A peaceful mind is a happy mind and it will help you in taking the right decision for your life. If you think to get revenge for the abuse you have to become abusive and it will not do justice to you.
An eye for an eye will make the world blind
Anyone has to step back from the arguments to stop it. Similarly to remove hatred and for a good relationship, one should have to choose forgiveness. Forgiveness is the best revenge that satisfies your heart in a more pleasant way than revenge.
While hurting back to take revenge will last longer your pain and misery. Tolerance and forgiveness are necessary for life one should excuse the minor offenses in life because minor offenses are the reason to disturb our mental peace. And the mind is the root cause of these offenses and also the solution to all these offenses comes from one’s mind.
To forgive someone one has to change its perception towards people. We are responsible for everything that is happening in our lives and we have the potential to change it. For a happy life, we have to keep control on our minds because the mind is very flickering in nature and it always tries to indulge one in sense gratification work which will add trouble to our life.
Keep positive thoughts in your head by reading books and living in the company of positive people. They help you elevate from temporary pleasure to higher consciousness of mind. Never get attracted to the false illusory attachments because they seem to be pleasant but in reality, they are more troublesome than pleasant.
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